Monday, January 28, 2019

How Others Truly See You

“Beauty is no quality in things themselves: It exists merely in the mind which contemplates them; and each mind perceives a different beauty.” - David Hume  

     You will learn a lot about yourself when someone impersonates you. The other day I had my students create short 60 second skits around how I would teach a volleyball lesson. This was to be a fun semester culminating activity for our cooperative groups in our physical education classes. They were put into groups at the beginning of the semester, the primary goal was for them to learn more about each other as regular students, while periodically competing in teams against the other groups in the class. For each activity they gained points, all leading to a winning team for the semester.
     The main purpose of this activity was to have the students perform in a non-athletic way and to equalize the varying abilities and personalities. Each group was given five minutes to prepare their skit, and as mentioned, they had 60 seconds to perform.
    Overall, the skits were funny, there were some interesting variations of me, and I learned while we usually are aware of ourselves, we don't truly understand how others perceive ourselves. I saw that I talk a lot, much more than I realized. I noticed that while I am normally calm, I can lose my temper, and even in small doses, the students remember.
     Ultimately, this was a cathartic exercise, even if inadvertent. One of my students actually said to me, "Mr. Franz, I am sorry for my impression of you. I didn't really mean it," to which I replied, "No, thank you. I really enjoyed it and can learn from it."

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

Something New

     The ego, what an immense thing. I don't know why, but for some reason when I think of the word ego I envision this big Pac-Man eating up the dots. As each dot gets devoured, Pac-Man is growing bigger and stronger. Without realizing it, I learn my ego is what gets me into trouble. I notice my instant rise in blood pressure when my child tells me he doesn't care what I say, or when one of my students in my class doesn't do the assignment they should be working on.
     I am now in my nineteenth year of teaching, and sure, it has gotten easier. I am more patient, I don't get upset as much perhaps because I have conditioned myself to stay calm when a student is disruptive. Yet as I think about it more closely, the disappointment is still there. When my child doesn't listen to me after being told many times to pick up his shoes, I am less likely to lose it, I do remind myself to stay calm, but the underlying frustration persists.
     So now I am made aware it is my ego is the wall that blocks me from thinking clearly. Makes total sense, though not easily fixed. It can't just be pushed aside, since it is there chomping away at the dots. Except what I can do is acknowledge it, and then let it go.
     The other day I put this to the test without really knowing what I was doing. Maybe it was a the first of many test runs, but here's what happened. As it is the end of the semester, which means grading season, I had a student come to me after assignments were due. She has had a difficult time this semester, and she waited until the last possible moment to complete her work. When she came to me I felt instant tension because I knew what she was going to ask. She wanted me to give her the higher grade because she was so close. That's how it went, with a plea for help because it would help her GPA, and it would help her college application. I was very close to telling her absolutely not. That is was her fault for waiting for the last moment, and if I changed it she wouldn't learn her lesson.
     Suddenly I remembered my ego wall, and in a moment of clarity I said, "I'll think about it." At least it would let me breath, stay calm, and at the very least come up with a thoughtful decision. When I could see I wanted her to suffer certain consequences, it was apparent to me this is what wanted for this student. Somehow I was going to teach her what was what. In the end, I decided to grade an assignment she turned in past its due date, which indeed did alter her grade.
     I wrote her a note explaining my thought process, and ended it by saying, "Ultimately, I hope you can find what is you truly want for yourself. I'll do what I can to guide you there." I cannot say for sure I did the right thing here. Yet, I do feel it is a step in the right direction.
     As a teacher and parent, my ego will always be lurking. It will be a long process to deconstruct it since my personal Pac-Man has been going at it since my first memory. However, currently I am calm, unsure, but definitely more calm. I am hopeful this is the beginning of something new.
   

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Tata Myanmar!


                Can’t believe it’s time to leave Myanmar.  We arrived almost two years ago, and here we are leaving in a couple of days.  What a life-changing experience this has been.
                I remember walking to Orange Supermarket with Tonia, needing to buy some food for dinner, just hours after landing in Yangon.  Normally, one would just find a restaurant and eat there after arriving at a new place, but our apartment wasn’t exactly near any restaurants we could entertain (or at least wanted to).   In fact, Yangon has no western restaurant chains to speak of.   So we had been given directions to Orange, and off we went. 
Tonia was four months pregnant at the time, which only added to the strangeness of moving to a new country.  So many questions, but looking back it our impending parenthood fit in nicely with all of the other transitions we were facing.  As we walked to the store it was dark and it had just rained so the air was thick and warm.  Yet what I mostly remember was the smell.  At the time we didn’t know our apartment was located next to the chicken and duck market, and a factory where they made fish paste.  After a rain, this wafted these fine smells every which way, so I commented to Tonia, “What did we get ourselves into!”
Looking back on that first walk in Myanmar, I think of how much this place has changed, and how much I have changed.  For example, before we left, people would ask, “Are you going to be safe?”  We had heard Myanmar was a safe place, and after spending a little time here you learned, especially as an expat, this was a very safe environment.  Well, that was with the exception of things like the potholes in the roads, and the crumbling of the sidewalks, or being in taxis without seatbelts.  This was even more so with a pregnant wife.  I felt like the hole in the sidewalk spotter when walking around the city, and I was glad to do it.  And the taxis drove quite slow, not to mention the old, hole in the floorboard, creaky cars, so you rarely saw anything more than a fender bender accident.
Fast forward to now, and the many of the sidewalks have been rebuilt or are in the process of being rebuilt, the roads repaved, and the old cars replaced with newer ones.  In less than two years!  Except not that all of this is great, at least in my eyes.  Tonia and I, and now Diego get a kick out of it when we get in an old rattletrap taxi.  Traffic has become much worse, which is always one of the effects of progress, and some prices have gone up too much.
So how has Myanmar changed me?  Now I will say that my overall self hasn’t changed all that much, but mostly I’ve realized I don’t need that much to be happy.  I haven’t had a cellphone and haven’t really missed that.  No car, no problem.  Cash only, I haven’t spent as much!   We haven’t had many of the conveniences I had become dependent upon back in the U.S. , and without them I rarely felt I missed them.   Admittedly, I’ve had a difficult time with the slow Internet – I guess that has been my one vice I am unwilling to compromise (and even that has improved somewhat).  Most importantly I have Tonia, and now Diego, and that is all I need.
Now a reflection on living in Myanmar wouldn’t be complete without talking about its people.  The Myanmar (Burmese) people are some of the kindest people I’ve ever met.  Perhaps that is cliché to say, but I really believe it.  This isn’t to say they don’t have their faults.  One could just follow what is happening in the country now, shoot, just follow its history and you’ll many problems.  Yet we seriously contemplated staying an extra year simply because you will be treated very well.  A quick anecdote to illustrate the essence of the people here – this past October I went to a screenprinting shop to have some t-shirts made.  After I had placed my order the owner of the shop went to his desk and fished out something and handed it to me.  It was the cap of my memory stick that I had thought I had lost.  I had left it there the last time I had visited which was six months prior, and when the shop was at a different location.  Stories like this are a dime a dozen.
To end I’ll share my list of the things I’ll miss in no particular order.  I’ll miss the sounds of the streets.  Whether it’s the monotone droning of the men saying prayers at the monasteries, the men shouting out the stops on the buses, the women shouting out what they’re selling at the markets, the gongs of the mobile food vendors, the honking of the cars, or the music from the lottery carts, I will miss them all.  I’ll miss the smiles of the people, even the betel nut stained ones.  I’ll miss the little plastic stools at the food and tea stalls.  I completely don’t fit on them, and they make me look like Will Ferrell in the movie ‘Elf’, but they’re great nonetheless.  I’ll miss shopping at the food markets – at least the fruit and vegetable part, and not the meat part.  I’ll miss all of the food vendors, even though I rarely ate their food.  I’ll miss walking or riding my bike to the store, and even though I’m not a good haggler, I’ll miss negotiating for better prices with the taxi drivers.  By the way, the Myanmar people aren’t very good negotiaters themselves, since they think five percent off is a pretty good deal.  I’ll miss the first rains in April/May to begin the monsoon season, though I will not miss the constant rains in August/September.  I'll miss drinking seventy cent Myanmar barley pops with friends.  I’ll miss the L’Opera tennis tournament, the Monsoon volleyball season, and the American Club softball season.  I’ll miss navigating the many potholes on my bike.   I’ll miss going out to restaurants and having the waitstaff play with Diego, while Tonia and I get to eat uninterrupted.  I’ll miss our nanny Bridget, who loved Diego as much as Tonia or me.  I’ll miss too many others of the local people we’ve met, who have lived through a lot of crap, and will rarely if ever complain about it.  On a side note, we have made quite a bit more money (which still isn't much) than they ever will, and they will never make you feel guilty about it, and are very gracious when you give them anything.  In the end you still feel a dissonance, but it is still great how they make you feel less awkward about it.  I’ll miss many more things, which I hope to write about in more detail in the future.

Teaching abroad has made the world a much smaller place for us, and to all the friends we’ve made, we hope it stays this way so we can see each other again in the future. 

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Giddyup!

Wow, it's been months, and I mean many months since I last wrote a poem.  I used to write poetry and then compile them annually to give to family and friends around holiday time.  Now it's time to get going again, so this is the first installment in what I hope will get myself in gear writing some more.  Whether it's poetry, short stories, long stories, essays, jokes, whatever I'll be throwing some writing at the wall, and perhaps something will stick.

Everything I learned in a second


It seems I recall
Fury hibernating inside my skull
Trickling from time to time
Disguised as wicked verses
Movement  the antidote for stockpiled hostility
Likewise in tallying triumphs
Whether of the mind
Or through the trials of bloodied flesh
Ultimately the acknowledgment of misdeeds
The softening of immovable appetites
And pirouetting through the tick tocks of the sun and moon
This cycle seems balanced
Finally, a smirk lingers on my face
Almost an eternity disguised as a second
A memory, perhaps for another to convey
Stronger, then fading, until nothing.
                       -written March 16, 2013


Being a dad, I thought it would be cool to write a poem for Diego.  I am not necessarily a big rhyming fan when it comes to poetry, but they're pretty easy and enjoyable knowing who your audience is.

Milk, Baby!


Milk, so white
Milk so wet
You keep my belly
From getting upset
From the day I was born
‘Til up to now
You give me strength
Oh gift from the cow
Milk, so creamy
Milk, so good
You make me smile
You are the best food
But what will I do
When I am a teen
Oh wait, I know
I’ll just eat ice cream!
                       -written March 16, 2013

And here's another, Diego.  Sure your only one, but what do you think? As I post this I've just put you back to sleep - doh!

Unpredictable Tot


No sound,
Asleep my babe
So sound asleep
Eyelids, behave
Unpredictable tot
That you are
Midnight cries
From afar
We let you cry
Full of worry
You will be wild
In our bed we are stirring
Everything will be fine
It’s going to be okay
And in the morning
Smiles start the day
So not scarred for life
We are so glad to see
You still love us?
We hope you agree
So sleep our child
And you will feel great
Everyone will be happy
You were in this state
Mind you,
As impossible it seems
When night after night
Of Interrupted dreams
Maybe this will be the night, or
Your mom and I will wait
Until you turn twenty-four!
                    -written April 1, 2013